Gag, hurl, puke puke

One of my mom's friends posted the below bulletin on myspace. I let her "friend me" quite a while back, since I know her vaguely from occasions at my mom's house, but then every time one of these bulletins comes up and makes my brain explode I want to de-friend her. But then I ask myself, what would I do without items like this to get me all disgruntled? I'd certainly blog less.

Now, I hope I don't overly offend my readership with my nauseous response. I'm not anti-religious or anti-man, I'm just anti kissing behinds and encouraging that marriage is anything other than a partnership of equals, or that women should bear an unequal responsibility for the quality of their relationships. Though, in favor of the authors, I suppose long term commitments do go a lot smoother when only one person is allowed goals and opinions. Oops, getting a little sarcastic again! But come on, the kind of guy married to a woman who asks the following questions doesn't have a wife, he has a freaking flight attendant. How about another pillow? Is there anything else I can bring you? Enjoy the flight...

Ten Questions Every Woman Should Ask Her Husband Every Year

Knowing the right question to ask can be a valuable thing. So say Tom and Jeannie Elliff, authors of Letters to Lovers and "FamilyLife Today" guests on April 1, 2004. Married for thirty plus years, Tom and Jeannie encourage wives to ask their husbands these questions every year in order to keep their marriage sharp.

• Do you feel I properly understand the goals that God has placed in your heart? How can I help you achieve them?
  
• What are some things I can do to regularly show you just how satisfied I am with you as my husband and the leader of my home? Is there anything I am doing or failing to do that seems to send a signal that I do not honor you or your leadership in our home?

• Is there anything I can change to make our home a place where you feel more satisfied and comfortable?**
  
• Are there any big dreams in your heart that you have been hesitant to share with me? How can I help you fulfill them?**
  
• How do you feel we can begin communicating better than we already are?
  
• Do you feel that there is anything keeping either one or both of us from God's best in our lives? What should be my part in freeing us from those restraints?**
  
• Are we where you wanted us to be at this stage in life? How can I help you make that possible within God's guidelines? [I think this means, no stealing or white powder.]
  
• How do you envision our future together? What can we do together to achieve that goal?
  
• What can I do to show you how much I need and trust you?
  [Is this a problem? Husbands not feeling needed enough? "Baby, it really hurts me when you make decisions and open jars by yourself...why, it's like I don't even need to be here, like you're a fully competent adult in your own right...."]

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**You know how some people, when eating fortune cookies at a Chinese restaurant and reading their fortunes, like to add "in bed" to the end of each one? I couldn't help but find myself doing something similar with nearly every item in this list, imaging it like a dialogue:

"Are there any big dreams in your heart that you have been hesitant to share with me?"

"Well, now that you ask...you know your friend from bible study, Susie...the one with

the great...singing voice...?"

"Do you feel that there is anything keeping either one or both of us from God's best in

our lives? What should be my part in freeing us from those restraints?"

"Funny you should ask, I think that me doing the dishes is really, uh, keeping both of us

down..."

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Note: in the authors' defense, there does exist a similar husband's list of questions; however, I don't think this means that either list is fair or respresents reciprocity/equality, as both lists largely reflect gender stereotypes and assumptions with regard to what a husband or wife would presumably want, and what they presumably are required to do. The husband's list, for example, includes:

• What could I do to make you more secure?" (because husbands = money and security)
  What can I do to make you feel more confident in our future direction? (because husbands choose what that direction is...?)
• What attribute would you like me to help you develop? (I believe it's great to, say, support someone while they quit smoking or on another self-betterment endeavors, but this smacks of "...in order to make yourself more pleasing to me." Like, what if a husband asks this, and a wife hadn't been particularly planning on developing any traits? "Um, are you saying something is wrong with me?")
• What achievement in my life would bring you greatest joy? (How about, what achievement in her life? I suppose that if she doesn't have or pursue her own goals, she has to revel in yours.)
• What mutual goal would you like to see us accomplish? (Phew, the word "mutual" and "us" in the same sentence!)

A final thought: if you haven't already read this, or seen the original 1975 film (the remake is a steaming pile of doo-doo in comparison), get thee to a public library! They're both excellent!