a little something to say hello

There are only 5 more days of language classes. One and a half weeks and I'll be sworn in as as Volunteer, no more lowly trainee status for me, and then shoved out of the cozy comfort of my Ialoveni routine into the scary, unknown, English-less world of life up north at my site.

Okay, it's by no means bleak - but I am really nervous. I have gotten so attached to life down here, to my host family, to my fellow trainees, to my little town, to just...the predictability of it all. I know I didn't always feel this way though, and all too soon I will probably feel very attached to my new host family and my new city, but right now I've got that bad butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling. (Why is it called that? Or can we maybe have two terms for this feeling? Like if it's caused by feelings of romance, go ahead and call it butterflies. But when it's due to worrying yourself sick, something all pretty and fluttery really doesn't work for me. How about bats? or beetles?)

It's also becoming winter, and this is not Bridgett's happy time. I hate the dark days. I have to fight to have any energy or motivation at this time of year - it's almost like part of my personality disappears. I'm such a more optimistic and adventurous person in the summer. Last year I was able to sort of power through it by taking, if I remember correctly, 21 credits, plus volunteering for a couple of places. I guess what works for me is to stay so insanely busy I don't have time to think about or notice things. Here I have all sorts of time for ruminating, and this is baaaaaaaaaaad.

Okay, enough on this topic. Most of you probably know this about me. I'm going to try to just be patient with myself and this whole process and know that it's not supposed to be easy, that I KNEW this coming in to it so even in the hard parts, what I need to do to get through is just not to accept anything as something lasting. "Sure, I feel like a 4 year old right now, but I won't feel like this forever." I mean, hell, some days I feel EIGHT years old! Really though, I guess what I'm saying in a round-about way is that old quote, This too shall pass.

But I'm pretty sure packages from home would help. You know, just an idea.