Grad School: For the Birds

Or perhaps I should be a bit more specific, and make that “applying to grad school”. Those of you who have been in touch with me in these past two months or so have likely heard more than you ever wanted to about the trials and tribulations of the prospective grad school student. I’ve spent months now researching different master of social work programs and getting all excited about this next step in my career following my completion of Peace Corps service here in Moldova, gazing moonily at the glossy brochures as they arrive and dreaming of life in New York, Boston or Philadelphia. This is The Fun Part.

Yes, grad school is all I think about of late, the thing pestering me till I drop off to fitful sleep at night, and the first thing to pop in to my head upon waking. It has even pervaded my dreams, such as one last night in which I found out that my dad had secretly included me as a dependant on his taxes, thus dashing all hopes of financial aid and scholarships. Nooooooooooooooo! Pretty exciting stuff, eh?

Unfortunately, it is proving to take quite a bit of work to earn one of those coveted spots in the 2007 entering class, and thus begins my little saga.

GPA

First, there’s the basic GPA requirement. I found it very heartening to see that all schools list a requirement only for a student’s GPA in their last two years of bachelor’s study, taking this to mean that I am not the only one who made a fabulous mess of things prior to these two years, at which point I unraveled the mysteries of college and getting better grades, such as a discovery of, among other things, the importance of turning in assignments. What other students might not share, however, is my somewhat meandering (such a pleasant ring to it, much more so than, say, “ass backwards”) path to getting my bachelor’s.

There are many things to be said of community colleges, or, as a fellow student of mine once called them, High Schools with Ashtrays, such as that they are gaping black abysses from which many students never escape. As some of you might know, I actually started college way back in Fall 1996, which means that, time off from school not accounted for, it took me 8 years to get my associate’s degree. I have managed to take courses at four different schools in my academic career, a real fun thing to try to explain to prospective grad schools, and an even more fun thing come time to request and pay for transcripts.

The Essays

This is by far the most pleasurable part of the graduate admissions process. Oh, yes. It is my job to pursuade my chosen schools that I am up for the challenge of graduate-level study, that I am smart, talented, and also deeply compassionate. I have to do this, in most cases, in 6 double-spaced pages or less, and in one confounding case, within three pages, while also addressing my personal strengths and weaknesses AND writing a “social problem analysis”. I overcame my initial period of writer’s block and got my ideas down on paper only to be confronted with a new problem, a sort of writer’s giardia, and I’m now faced with the task of hacking to bits a document the size of the Iliad.

Probably the worst part of writing these essays is that in my head, I am competing with an imaginary applicant who, in addition to being a cross between Albert Einstein and Mother Teresa, also writes cute, concise essays and got a 4.0 all four years of university. Friends have been kind enough to point out the dubious existence of such a competitor, but there she sits mocking me in my brain nonetheless. (Note to any prospective schools who have run across this blog: I do not, in fact, believe that a top-notch graduate student lives in my brain. I am the picture of mental health.)

I’ve tried various approaches as I write. I figure writing a good admissions essays it isn’t totally unlike good storytelling, where, as Stephen King would emphasize (you should read his “On Writing”, if you haven’t already) it is important not to tell the reader but to show them. This makes for more entertaining reading, and also cuts down on the chances that you come across like a pompous ass.

Example: “You should accept me to your super awesome and prestigious program because I am caring, compassionate, really really smart, and humble too.”

Now, that would be an example of telling the reader. Bad! Let’s try it again, this time with an emphasis on showing the reader one possesses these traits without saying it explicitly:

Example: (blank)

Hmm. And here you see my little quandary.

Resume

Most schools require that students submit a resume. Mine has grown a bit over the years, with the section devoted to my work in Peace Corps, despite frequent complaints over the last year that I have nothing to do, growing to take up the better part of a page. Even if I chop out all the pretty formatting and bullets and fonts, it is still long. But I’m not quite fancy enough yet to merit a CV. What’s a girl to do? I’ve pestered friends for theirs and looked up examples online, but all this has served to show is that there are a lot of crap resumes out there.

And so, fair reader, that is a little summary of my current predicament. If you have any light to shed on the above processes, by all means send them my way. Friends who just happen to work at Columbia and would fancy a case of the finest Moldovan wine are also welcome to drop me a line…ha ha, all this corruption, and a poet too!